If I could do it again I would speak Hindi....

I was just settling in for the evening.

With my inspiration at its peak I decided I was going to write a very insightful blog to make up for some lost time. I had an epiphany of how I was going to write about what I would do differently if given the chance. Not a regretful blog. A blog that would turn my questionable choices into a how-to-survive guide. I want to create a Gandhi-like following. A modern Socrates I would be named. With my knowledge and history I envision my blog taking the form of a bible that will be handed down generation-to-generation to struggling girls who need direction. I will be praised for my simplicity and depth and the How-To-Gurus of the world will wonder why they didn't think of it first. Oprah would call, however I would politely decline due to schedule conflicts with Ellen.

Who wouldn't learn from my world of mistakes?

It's not happening...at least not tonight....my computer isn't even working!

There was a huge road block in my aspiration to be the next Deepak Chopra. For some reason every time I typed, crazy characters would start flying up on my screen. Although I may sometimes doubt my eyes I knew something was wrong. It was definitely some foreign language I do not speak. I am also pretty certain my laptop doesn't hold the characters, symbols, and letters that were spewing out across my screen. Chinese? Japanese? Lebanese? I don't even know what it is so how could I solve the problem??


One hour and 42 minutes later I decipher the code. (Yes one hour and 42 minutes.) Just a mere button in my settings asking me if I want to translate my blog. I thought this meant my greatness would be translated into languages across the globe. No?

An hour and 42 minutes on a "school night" is a devastating loss of time and blow to the blog. To avoid the possibility of no sleep tonight the words of inspiration are going to have to be short, sweet, and to the point (think pocket-size bible).


If I were to do it again.............
(the condensed version)

1. I would read and speak Hindi.
This would result back in the one hour and 42 minutes I just lost.

2. I would have gone to college and experienced it at the same time as everyone else instead of later. In college I wouldn't work morning, day, and night just to have extra cash. I would have been poor, cooked entrees on a hot plate and complained about the dorms.

3. I would not have had a boyfriend for every moment from 4th grade on. On that note I also wouldn't have had my first boyfriend for 4 years. They have a name for this condition: Habitual-I-need-a-boyfriend syndrome.

4. I would not laugh at my Mom when she told me "if your Father and I didn't have money for a new TV we didn't go charge it on a credit card". Additionally, after I was done laughing I wouldn't proceed to ask for the credit card.

5. I wouldn't have been a orchestrator in two car crashes by the age 14. Contrary to what one may think having a savings account of $200 will not fix the car, the garage, and the contents in the garage before your Dad gets home from work. Not even a chance so don't try it.

6. I would not spend hours wishing for small ankles, no freckles, and the growing back of normal eyebrows and long lashes. I would instead embrace a strong body, Angel Kisses, and accept responsibility for that "accident" with my Dad's electric shaver.

7. I would not try so hard to be the center of attention. Human pyramids are fun but there is a time and a place. Therefore I would listen more, take in the scenery, and not feel the need to orchestrate the levels.

8. I would not have compared myself to everyone else wishing I was like them. I would find a way to love myself without needing constant reinforcement from others.
Lesson: It's all fun and games when people claim you are the "milk man's child" because of your blonde hair but sooner or later you have to accept you don't look like anyone in your family and really embrace it.

9. I would have been nicer to my parents growing up. I would have told them I love them more and admitted to them that I really did break my feet jumping off a roof while sneaking out of the house to see a boy. Unfortunately it was not that grueling morning jog I swore I took that broke not just one foot but both feet.

10. I would not let material possessions rule my life. Fortunately she who dies with the most shoes and clothes does not always win. I know it stinks-just move on.

11. I would play wrestle mania more, wear t-shirts, tennis shoes, pony tails and no makeup and not think twice about it. Lesson: Remeber if you rent Sumu suits at a party and you become out of hand your guests have every right to tip you over and leave you there.
Don't try to get up; your efforts are fruitless.

12. I would not have inflicted bodily harm on my siblings; namely my brother. Brothers grow up bigger and stronger.

13. I would keep my phone in my purse when not in use and would never, under any circumstance, use it while intoxicated.

14. I would teach my deaf dog sign language and pay for his hair transplant on his tail so he didn't feel so different.

16. I would build a tree house in my 30s. I would then call childhood "frenemy" Tommy Mankowski and tell him that my tree house doesn't allow boys.

15. Most importantly I would laugh more and live every last day like it was my last.
If that involves me taking that long talked about trip, playing that nonsense jackpot lottery, or tackling some crazy adventure well then so be it..I just hope it doesn't involve Hindi......


xoxox
lms

I "L" therefore I am

It has been a life long goal of mine to make myself a household name.
Since missing my calling as a discovered-overnight-celebrity these are the things that occupy my everyday thoughts.

First and foremost-how in the world do you work with a name that is constantly mispronounced? My skin literally crawls when I hear that pitch or that drawn out "eeeeeeee" of a sound. Since it would be expensive to change the spelling AND hold classes on how to pronounce LeyAAAAAH perhaps a slight shortening of the name would suffice.

L.

Not to be confused with "el", taking the "L", or even reading Elle.

Just L.



Just kind of rolls of your tongue really. Half the battle behind me with the personalization of my name, I suppose I just need to integrate it into everyday conversation. Don't you have to be known for something, really excel at something, have some amazing trait in order to really make it work?

My brother didn't shout like a lunatic from across the driveway "Hey watch my JORDAN" and do nothing. Years of skinned knees, slams into the garage door, and prayers of growing taller and leaner, and meaner only implies an obsession with being The King of basketball.

My sister didn't just wake up one day and wear a thousand bracelets, get a really bad perm, wear ripped clothes and Jelly Shoes. On the contrary. This was part of the master plan to be oohed and aahed by her friends who said she was "soooo MADONNA".

Possibly a better way of approaching this dilemma would be to see what I am really good at in life. What in the world can I do better than anyone in the whole wide world?

Racquetball?
Word Games?
Shopping?

A second place racquetball athlete hardly gets a notice unless it was used in a negative tone. Taunts and jeers would be heard from the stands. "You so L-d that game!~
"Nice #2 status...you are soo L!"

I don't know that anyone ever made the front page for word games-although if they did I would be surely a repeat offender on Scramble Times. "The Word is L" would headline the front pages. Followers all around would clamor: "Oh you are so "L" with that crossword!" or "Wow you really L'd that Scramble game!"

I don't know if anyone has ever been known for shopping. Sure, everyone has their vices. The Brangelina duo shops for exotic children, Imelda Marcos boasted 5,600 pairs of shoes and Perez Hilton shops for gossip to fill his blogs. But I mean really shop.
Lots of hours need to logged, no sale or hidden treasure to be missed. When you come back from shopping your significant other should say:
"I can't believe you "L-d" all day long. Don't you know that we are not "L" Millionaires?.

Really shop.

I have achieved Shopper's Highs more times than I can count. In search of that perfect outfit or item that no one has or would think to put together is only part of the game. The other part is overcoming and winning over the purchases. When need be I even talk dirty to my clothes (although I would deny this charge in mixed company). When I find that perfect purchase it's almost a foreplay game. "I am going to buy the shit out of you Mister" "When I get you home I'm gonnna....". This proves more of an award, more feeling of satisfaction and a job well done. Without the feeling of satisfaction it hardly seems worth the escort out of the store for talking dirty to the purchase. A good game of cat-and-mouse can only be had if there is a chase, a winner, a triumph over all...or in this case a triumph for "L".

I suppose making myself into a household name is a bit vain--maybe even borderline psychotic but it seems the only thing to keep me going; trying to market myself in a recession.

The above should be an indication of why childhood dreams should not be forgotten. We age but we don't stop dreaming. Our dreams may change as we mature but who is to say that my brother couldn't be the next Jordan or my sister the next Madonna?
Without these childhood dreams ruling our pastimes what exactly would we have left?

Work?
Bills?
Recession?
Getting Older?
Forgeting our dreams?

Go ahead and get back to your work.
I will continue on in my quest for all things happy.
My L-ness is what made me who I am today and will continue to shape me for years to come. For those who want to judge--well you can all just go to L.

xoxo